I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
