I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
