I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
