i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
