party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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