True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
