oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
