dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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