Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
