hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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