You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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