just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
