some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
