I bet he comes in French.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
