We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
