Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
