so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
