sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
