so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Im part way to drunk.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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