You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
