you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
