Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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