Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
