Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
