a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You are the jesus of drinking
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
