What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
