Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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