im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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