dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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