Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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