i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
