community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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