if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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