my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
