R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
