My nipple is on Facebook.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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