I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she woke up with a sticky ear
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
