yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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