he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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