He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
