marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
