if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
operation have a gay friend backfired
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
