You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
