In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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