i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
