I would go down on you faster than GM stock
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
