I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
