If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk is a universal language darling
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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