I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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