I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
