im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
