Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
