I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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