we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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