dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
