omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
