just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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