hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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